"Hello, this is the Windows service center"

Phone rings.

Caller: [with strong Indian accent] "Hello, this is the Windows service center."
[Awesome. This is going to be fun.]
Me: "Oh, I'm so glad you called."
Caller: "uh, yes. We are calling about your Windows computer. Is your computer on right now?"
[Excellent. This household does not run Windows.]
Me: "Yes"
Caller: "Are you in front of your computer right now?"
Me: [walking out on the patio] "Yes. ... Oh my. There is a big red window."
Caller: "Ah yes, Sir, this is why we are calling. This is the Windows service center, and we are calling about your computer."
Me: "A-ha"
Caller: "Yes, Sir, how old is your computer?"
Me: [looking over the lawn] "uh, ... I don't know ... 3 years, maybe"
Caller: "3 years, very good Sir. uh. Yes, we are calling about your computer. Are you sitting in front of your computer right now?"
Me: "Yes, there is still this big red window. What is that doing there?"
Caller: "Do you have more than one computer?"
Me: "No, that's the only one."
Caller: "Uh, ok, the only computer. You see, Sir, do you understand when you go online. When you go shopping online. There are hackers that get into your computer without your knowledge, Sir, do you know that?"
Me: "No, oh that's horrible. Can you tell me what this big red box on my screen means? I don't understand that."
Caller: "uh, yes, Sir, what does the box say?"
Me: "It says, 'What are you doing?' ... I don't understand what that means. Can you tell me what that means?"
Caller: "uh yes, Sir, this is the Windows service center we are calling about your computer. You know when you connect to the Internet, your computer gets malware and viruses."
Me: "a-ha. Could you tell me what I do with the big red box on my screen, please?"
Caller: "What does the box say?"
Me: "It says, 'What are you doing?' ... it kind of wiggles, too. What does that mean?"
Caller: "Just dismiss it and return to your desktop"
Me: "I don't know. What do you mean dismiss. How do I do that?"
Caller: "Look down on your keyboard."
Me: [hmmm, that lawn needs water] "yes, ok"
Caller: "Do you see the Control key? It's in the lower left corner of your keyboard."
Me: "Yes, the blue key. yes."
Caller: "Do you see, the Control key? It says C T R L on it?"
Me: "Yes, the blue key, yes, I see that"
Caller: "What's the key to left of it?"
Me: "yes, the green key. Yes, I see that."
Caller: "What does it say?"
Me: "That's the green key, yes"
Caller: "Sir, do you see the Control key on your keyboard?"
Me: "Yes, yes, I have that"
Caller: "what's the key to the left of it?"
Me: "yes, that's the green key"
Caller: "uh yes, Sir, what key comes after that?"
Me: "Oh, that one is yellow"
Caller: "Sir, do you know that you are one Big F*cker?"
[Click]

Let's see if they ever call this number again.

Public service announcement:
There is no Windows service center that can see what you are doing on your computer. Microsoft has a pretty good article about what's going on here and they don't call you either to fix your computer.

And yes, I'm not the first one making fun of those guys. The guy in this Youtube video is playing along more than I did...